Up, please!

Natie is always saying this to me, when I walk through the door--because he knows that it means I'll pick him up. Then we chat, or have a tickle fight, or sing a song....

January has flown away with wings this year. Last week was particularly overwhelming. I had one amazing day, followed by the most preposterously depressing day--and it made me think about what really makes me feel worthwhile and happy. I have been learning to trust God.

With little or no time on my hands to stop and bow my head, the first thing in the world that I wanted came to my mind...

Father? Up, please!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am especially thankful now for the time I have in the evenings. Last semester I had two night classes--one on Monday night (when the church holds its prayer meeting) and one on Thursday (when home groups meet).

The highlight of this semester is going to a wide, empty sanctuary on a Monday night (after three classes, two hours of tutoring, and one choir rehearsal), kneeling in the pews, and praying silently while the bells toll on the quarter-hours, and friends come and go. I love the silence and stillness after a long day of chats on the sidewalk, and notes passed in class (heaven forbid!), and Dr. Bob's barks to the soprano section ("Do not sing, 'Oh, don't CHEW.' This song has nothing to do with tobacco!")...

O, sweet peace.

Life ain't perfect. But lately I have been reminded of how far God's grace can take a person. It is very easy to forget how (and who) I once was, until I stare at myself (from the years past) in the face and remember how easily my life could have been ruined apart from God's mercy. The thought is sobering.

Here is my new favorite, Psalm 141:

1 O LORD, I call upon you; hasten to me!
Give ear to my voice when I call to you!

2Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,
and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice!

3 Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth;
keep watch over the door of my lips!

4 Do not let my heart incline to any evil,
to busy myself with wicked deeds in company with men who work iniquity,
and let me not eat of their delicacies!

5 Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head;
let my head not refuse it. Yet my prayer is continually against their evil deeds.

6When their judges are thrown over the cliff,
then they shall hear my words, for they are pleasant.

7As when one plows and breaks up the earth,
so shall our bones be scattered at the mouth of Sheol.

8But my eyes are toward you, O GOD, my Lord;
in you I seek refuge; leave me not defenseless!

9Keep me fromthe trap that they have laid for me
and from the snares of evildoers!

10Let the wicked fall into their own nets,
while I pass by safely.

I don't really understand what verses 6 and 7 are talking about... but the rest of the Psalm has borne particular significance. I struggle with holding my tongue, and not letting a person know every thing that is on my mind. I have been praying for a guard over my lips.

Beyond that, I love that God can keep me from wickedness in general. There is pressure to laugh about things that aren't funny, to go along with things that are wrong...

But God listens. He accepts our prayers as incense in the Most Holy Place, because of Christ...

Guess what, guess who?

"If you don't like the weather in Oklahoma, wait a minute." --Will Rogers

(In PA, no such luck.)

"If I felt any better, I'd have to be twins!"--an elderly Eastvale churchgoer, when I asked him how he was doing... :)

In a conversation with SGS, also known as the Dating Inquisition (spoken in a low voice during Sunday dinner with a important pastor guest):

"Are you dating anyone?"
"Why would I be dating anyone?"
"Is he cute?" (note the leap in logic here...)
"no."
"Is he nice?"
"no."
"Is he even alive?" (if not cute, then hopefully nice--but any living man would do in a pinch...)
"NO." <<---observe: a wrong thing to say>
"Well then, are you dating a CORPSE?"
(EHS, with a vivid picture in her mind, immediately falls into a hopeless gale of laughter. The rest of the table, previously engrossed in a different conversation, stares blankly at her. I am instantly very embarrassed; but I guess I deserved it, sitting between them and all that! Hmph.)

There is a general fascination with my nonexistent love life among the 14-and 11-year old crowd (all two of them) within this particular family.... I bet they're just envious. ;)

Here are some bits of news:
~I donated blood today. It hurt, and took forever --I ended up being late for class. I felt like a martyr, then I felt ashamed for feeling like a martyr... everyone does it, after all... but the special veggie pizza and tshirt made it all ok. Beforehand, the nurse took my blood pressure. I told him that my blood pressure was usually low; but when he read it, the numbers were "Great"-- ("Are you nervous?" he asked kindly.)

~THERE'S SNOW EVERYWHERE! I'm overjoyed, and the natives are mocking me. :)

~the Schaefers have a beautiful, fragrant Christmas tree, well-lit and reaching its prickly arms within six inches of the 11-foot ceiling...

~choir concerts were last weekend. We sang Slavonic, gospel, Spanish, German, and Latin. Dr. Bob was so happy he was about to burst. I think we did a good job. :D

~Our eccentric Bible and Youth Ministries department plays raucous Christmas music in the halls of Old Main. It's quite disturbing if you ask me... but then, nobody ever has. And what can you expect, after all? Everyone knows that particular wing of campus is a little... kooky? ;)

The Fog of the Crystal Clear

There is a healthy agony to having a good question on my mind. To have three questions on your mind is, perhaps, the same thing. You tell me, O reader...

What is worship and where does it happen and is it my fault if I sing a Psalm with an instrumental accompaniment in an act that some people call formal worship? How can I maintain unity and a good Christian testimony in other churches, while still maintaining the integrity of my conscience?

that's number one.

What does it really and truly mean that God is sovereign? What does it mean to pray to Him and ask Him to grant a request? How can I avoid fatalistic prayers, and maintain a dynamic relationship with God, while still affirming absolutely His omniscience and omnipotence?

that's number two. Honors Bible classmates will recognize where this one came from. :P

And here's the last (and least):
What on earth am I doing here, and what should I be doing with myself?

A hundred different roads lie in the future, and so many things confront me from the past. Life is a confusing muddle. The more I examine my own, the more I realize how little I practice all the things I am convicted of--of being called to worship, called to learn, called to mercy and service, called to love and encourage. In practice, the application is confusing: When? Where? How? How often? How Much?

This is not just a dump, I hope, but a chance for you and I to consider together. "The uncontemplated life is not worth living," said Socrates. And Jesus said that the way to destruction is broad. Many of my blog readers have most likely already confronted at least one of these questions, and I am anxious to hear their voice...

With a Willow-Willow-Waily We Will Willow It Away

Well, I've been told that I need to update more often. What else is new?
....

Ok. So there's school--(I will now instantaneously revert to OMIGOSH I HAVE SO MUCH 2 DO! which is a most tedious, depressing, and singularly boring litany. Therefore I will spare you.) Suffice it to say, my geology class had a mid-term on Thursday night, and Mrs. Vos brought heaps of candy!!! I finished in record time, I think only because I was concerned that all the Twizzlers would be gone if I dragged on for too long. haha.

There's pleasure-- tonight, a costume party at the swing-dance club. Yesterday night, a moonlight hike with Marissa until midnight. On Tuesday, D&D.... Our first choir performance (a fundraising banquet) was on last Saturday night. We wore these long, rose-red colored gowns with high waists and a narrow sash... they aren't the most versatile or flattering gowns in the world, but I felt like an elf the whole night. The highlights were hearing Avery sing "I've Got Music"--her voice is beautiful--and the Eight Bells (double barbershop quartet), because they were genuinely, incredibly funny!! The actual choir only sang four songs, and I'll spare you the gory details until you call me. (Then I'll sing them all for you--whether you like it or not. Moreover (I'm very sorry) I can only sing one voice part at a time, and I'm not particularly good at the bass...) ^_^

And there are the Schaefers-- a delightful mix of school and pleasure. School? Grade-school. I'm the homework Nazi. The position suits me, perhaps. Pleasure? On Sunday evening, we had a picnic in the living room--blankets were spread out, pillows and pajamas procured for all. Then we had hard-boiled eggs, cheese, home-made bread, bacon, and tea on paper plates while we watched an episode of Andy Griffith.

And solitude--which can either make me rejoice, or leave me lonely and restless-feeling.

Finally worship --

It comes upon me at the oddest, most unexpected times. Perhaps because all the beauty around is so foreign to me, I don't know exactly why. G0d works so perfectly in bringing the sun up over the hill each morning, and the ruby red leaves from the trees, and the mist in a thin veil over the trees on the hillside, and the moon through the clouds at night--especially last night!--that there's nothing left to do but stop. Those are the moments when the very rocks cry out "Hosanna!"

It is perfect, beautiful in itself. My only pang is that I know no one who would stop and worship with me. practicality is always in a hurry...

And on Wednesday night, as I read through the life of David--even though it was for a class--that same pang of wonder arrived. God announced Himself the Father, bound to punish redemptively and love unconditionally.

He is my Father, in every moment of every day...

Ode to a Pennsylvania Sidewalk

A Love Poem:

You know I love you sweetly.

I know you save the grass.

Why must you trip me neatly,

Just for walking past?

You're like the road for man-holes,

Like Pisa for your tilt.

And easy as the hill rolls,

You've given me the jilt.

What did I do to deserve this?

Our relationship's on the ground.

You won't see me tomorrow--

I'm not hanging around.

The Attic

This post is for all you dear friends and relations who have heard absolutely nothing from me in the past week.

I have a spare moment. My bare feet brush aimlessly over the carpet under my desk. I nod wearily in the sunlight, hoping desperately that as soon as I finish, there will still remain some time for a nice, long nap. The day has been sultry: a window-unit air conditioner rumbles from the far end of the room, and faint laughter is heard from the swimming pool outside. Piles of blankets and pillows adorn the floor.

I had company last night--Sarah, Jordan, and Becca came upstairs to sleep, since their rooms don't have air conditioning. The little ones inquired after the contents of my jewelry box this morning. We made a little party of trying on my necklaces and bracelets. One of them left behind a little pair of pink and white dress sandals.

Light continues to stream through the picture windows at the front of the room, overlooking the street. The tree-tops sway in a slight breeze. My slightly damp and muddy tennis shoes sit in the shadow of the windowsill--the only remnant of an adventure at the ropes course yesterday, where we were caught in a thunderstorm-downpour-hailstorm in the middle of our very first course.

Nice people prevail in this place--I've met the local fixtures, the family and relations, my sweet advisor, and lots of students. I bought a black umbrella with bright colored polka-dots at Wal-Mart. I've signed up for choir try-outs.

It's nap-time. Have a wonderful afternoon...

Week in Review (but only the unusual bits)

Monday--The tile man shows up at our house, 7:00 AM. He does the last of the grouting while I, my father, Twinkle Toes, and Pearl frantically spin out the door.

Tuesday--Papa took me out to do banking over my lunch break. After a couple minor catastrophes at my afternoon job, (if you've talked to me about my week, you've already heard them. If not, I would rather not enumerate them here). I return home to find my father making last-minute preparations for my mother and youngest 4 siblings' arrival. Our main task? Putting food in the house. I dash off a three-day menu, and send Papa off to the store. He returns home with this tremendously large 10-lb package of ground beef (which will not fit in our refrigerator). I stay up to 11:30, cook all of it, when the family arrives home, all wound up. We spend the next hour trying to get to bed, but Brother1 has way too many stories to tell.

Wednesday. My red-letter day. Horrible morning at Covenant--the most horrible I have ever known. Everything out-of-control. The wild child seemed to have fun punching, tearing, and kicking innocent children. The clingy child cried all morning. Another had to be held all the time because of her very high fever (and the fact that her mother merely dropped off Tylenol, instead of picking her up and taking her home). All of the above were under the age of 3 and in my class for an hour. I never got the playroom picked up, needless to say, and it was an awful mess. Meanwhile, the other teacher (even more inexperienced than I) had an even worse time with the three and four-year olds... She had THREE of them that would aggressively hit/pinch/kick without any scruples, and a couple more that wouldn't listen to a word she said. After the morning, I felt like a nice, long walk... My afternoon was easy, but I felt like throwing up the entire time, just because the morning had been so stressful. The cook's assistant at Renaissance passed us half a bag of pretzels, all our little friends were on their best behavior, and everything went fine. I went to bed at 9:00, though..

Thursday. Yay for Thursday! The director-sub brought cookies for all the teachers. They were scrumptious. And chocolate. I ate my fair share and got the recipe, which is as follows:

1 package oreos
1pack cream cheese
melted almond bark

Crush oreos, thoroughly blend with cream cheese until fudgy consistency is formed. Top with almond bark. Consume.

No, I did not become the Green Goblin overnight. Still, I don't think I'll try that again any time soon...

Friday: Great morning at Covenant. My usual class was without a fussy, a clingy, or a meany (they all decided to behave), and we had a great time. "You're the only person here who manages that age group well," the infant teacher told me. "Everyone else just lets them run wild." It was encouraging to hear that. Usually it seems that I get the toddler class every day merely because the more experienced teachers don't enjoy that group as much as the four-year-olds... Anyways. The afternoon is (somewhat) uneventful. We go on a laundry-washing spree due to a case of head lice in the classroom. Princess Baby exhibits special, clingy demanding-ness. Nevertheless, a wonderful day. We pick up Tack from the airport after a ceili dance in OKC, and I snack continuously the entire time, just to keep awake... The ride home with friends and family is chatty and fun, and Tack passes around some Starbursts...

Saturday: After cooking for an hour in the morning, we leave for Twinkle and Pearl's biology lab. During biology Sam and I go shopping! Resale shops, the smoothie bar, Wal-Mart, and Dress-for-Less. Yay for "new" clothes! That evening, the family gets hot and sweaty fishing at Lake McMurtry, roasts Italian sausages, and has a picnic supper with J. We sing Psalms into the night, and come home about 9:15. The week has ended!

and a new week is about to begin. ...

There are two more weeks of work, them I'm off to Geneva! My list of things to do is a mile long-- including big things such as GETTING MY DRIVERS LICENSE. (wouldn't that be good to have before I leave town for several months?) I have paperwork to do, homework assignments for my Learning and Transition course. (An insult to my personal dignity, as far as I'm concerned: I KNOW alcohol is dangerous if it is consumed in large quantities! For pity's sake... and as for my "Learning Style and Strategies" test, you'd think by now (as a graduate of high school) I'd have figured out how to learn things... oh, well...)

The list is long, and it's getting late. I'll write you all anon!

Annie